(thoughts)
i dont know how other people feel they relate to people but i feel i only relate to parts of everyone. it makes sense since we all share so much in common but i mean the weired fucked up parts of people are relatable. *
im so stuck on events and people in my life i dont know what to do, once you let go of one structure of life you create another and its just one big fucking mess until your dead. it will be clear though one day i know it because life was very clear once before. like maybe around 6 or 7 i remember turning 8 and 9 pissed me off, so it wasnt as clear then. i hid under my desk and gave my toys away to lizzie and that is what im doing all over again. its like suicide without the suicide.
*
i can be whoever i want to be from day to day and i do that a lot. and i dont just change from group to group. i wont say everything i want to say because once i give it all up i have nothing left.
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just stop it or say it
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JUST STOP
*
bipolar starts here->
ok its all ok yeah im going to do that or maybe this
*
Mania
ok im great its fine i found gum i can chew for 8 hours at work or i can just go back here and wash dishes so i dont have to talk to people or interact
*
OK I CAN WATCH THIS AND THAT WILL DISTRACT ME, ill make tea! and then ill do that maybe this
*
haha inst the sun amazing its a wonder that im alive and that we are all here i mean i could be dead, im so lucky! im going to go walk around
3 hours later
i need a light box
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