how i put everything off until the last minute and how i get away with doing nothing i beyond me.

trying to read a how section of readings the night before i have to turn a paper in is ridicilous. but thats beside the point. the weeks coming up are very important for me, i am getting very nervous and almost dont know what to do.

but i know how to control my thoughts in a way now, atleast i think i do, its like ive been given antidepressants but they are definity natural. however im still not in that "happy" state. i talked to my friend about this, i told him how hard it is, i know we are all fighting for it. its the number one goal to achieve.

there are so many ways i could take my life though. i could just throw school all away and try to live in the forest.

i could finish school and go to grad school and be a psychologist

i could be an artist

i could get a sex change

i could move to austraila

i could move to any place thats warm or awesome

i could stay here

i could become a buddist

i could get knocked up

i could write

anything really.

who knows. all i can do is be here today and stop wishing that things could have been different