i almost did not understand anything for a while today. but liz kind of explained it, there is a domino effect so maybe everything is real and everything we do affects the next thing that comes our way. or are things meant to happen no matter what? no control but surprised at least. i want to explain this in the way i feel it. this is your book or movie or whatever, you come here your set in the place your suppose to be you try to choose what you want but whatever is picked is picked and you are made to in a way. this is restlessness, the part where you feel helpless because you want a different thing but your not allowed, or it could be the other way your not on the right way for you not that your meant to do it or anything it just doesnt feel right.

yeah. no. yeah. i dont know. things in my life feel to concidental to not be picked beforehand by myself? is that right, yeah other people get it too. but right now it feels up in the air like i stopped picking at this point and its not written out. yeah that is exacctly how i feel, im so glad i could get that written out. now im just picking whatever in this real reality and not in the spiritual reality where i picked the other stuff. this probably sounds really stupid but if it makes sense then it obviously happened to you too. if it hasnt then do this. review your life in a really strange way, like your 20 year old self meeting your 10 year old counterpart, or your friends a few years ago. or look at good years and bad years and how they counteracted, how you acted, your idenity how you dressed and felt. it makes sense right well maybe this is my weired metaphor of maturing. but i dont know if i want it, theres no magic or im not creating it anymore. like i dont know how to warp these times, or what to be obsessed with hahaha.

ill figure it out though because i finally said what i wanted to. its strange that simple paragraph was hard to put in words. i