i hate when i notice im wearing my "adult suit" or whatever i swear to god it just pops up out of nowhere one day when your like 18 and you just ignore it and then it just comes back every once in a while. its going to become full on one day and that is the day im hitchhiking with nothing but a ridicilous outfit telling everyone im leaving and never coming back.

i slept outside the other day accidently. i drank too much grape vodka and fell asleep saying something about the moon or something to liz. it was really nice though sleeping outside without anything even a tent is very freeing if winter didnt exist i would do it then too.

days have been really strange.

there is this giant gap between people i feel very distant and i do not realy know how to change it because it feels strange either way.

i was kind of thinking of doing an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind thing with some people and writing my memories out about them and putting it somewhere so it doesnt keep popping up in my head. i think i dont know how to move forward from some time periods in my life so im literally going to move and put my thoughts away somewhere.

but i was just thinking about how well everything really is arranged like i always think 100 years to live is a long time but its also short. how we came to be, and the people we meet, and i always want it to be different but i still dont know in what way and i could probably not come up with a better solution. language is perfect, math is perfect, art is perfect. nature is perfect. noone could ever come up with a better way because they never saw a better way. so this is probably the best.

i think im going to be deleting this blog. its really self centered, and depressing which kind of describes all of my sophormore years of my life. so hopefully i can break the cycle i some how create every four years.