YEP

my mind is blank, i made it that way, i like it that way, i think its better.
anytime i think i see a conflict or too much of anything coming up i shut it down.
this works for the time being.

my conversation with liz last night was good, however she explained that i was always an angry child because i would laugh at road kill, or talk about cutting things off of people because i didnt like them.

she said i was really preocupied with things other kids werent and i want to get to the bottom of this mystery. what the fuck made me this way? i want to know because at least i could stop feeling like there is some great secret that will unlock great things for me or atleast some kind of understanding.

and it was way before fourth grade or middle school so those years did not create this. i dont feel real or attached like all this shit could just go up into smoke but im not really scared of it. i think of my mom and my dad and then i start thinking well how am i here, and i try to think of there lives before me, and toher peoples lives and my grand parents lives and how honestly strange people look when they are just walking alone with there clothes and their ipods and how strange that would seem to someone who never saw this earth's culture before. and how weired we all get and primitive, and why it all matters and doesnt at the same time. i just dont understand it. i feel like there is some big meaning behind all of this, but then i see things that also tell me there really inst.

why would whoever made us conduct the same experiment again and again? cant they figure us out if they made us?